  
Happy couple say "Tah-don"
Nantucket, MA - "Tah-don", Finnish for "I do" was repeated Saturday by Mr. Daniel C. Pope, and the newly crowned Mrs. Pauliina Toivonen-Pope. The couple exchanged two sets of vows: One in Finnish and one in English. Sporting new rings, the couple returned late Monday in an observed state of wedded bliss. Dan was later heard to say "gotta go pick up my wife". - posted 9/26/00
MacDougall, Arnburg drop bombshell!
East Coast, USA - In a move that surprised and delighted all, "Sky" Ed MacDougall and Darrah Arnburg of St. John, New Brunswick CANADA have announced their engagement. The happy news comes in the midst of the couple's relocation plans to the metro-Boston area. Coincidentally enough, it was Boston where they first met during a holiday party hosted by Ms. Kerri Kenerson. We all thank Kerri for her good timing. - posted 9/21/00
Former company-woman Pelz eschews capitalism for academia
Cambridge, MA - Stalwart TI employee, Anne Pelz turned heads when
she announced that she was renouncing corporate America for the loftier pursuits of academic achievement. Observers applauded Pelz's gumption. "Now there's someone who knows that there's more to life than making money, writing business plans and acquiring venture capital", said one observer. The editorial staff of Fort Awesome applauds someone who knows that true reward comes from scholarship and intellectual discourse, rather than crass moneymaking. Classes at the Sloan School of Business at MIT started earlier this month and Ms. Pelz is doing fine. - posted 9/26/00
Man drags friend behind boat
Wolfeboro, NH - Near tragedy was averted on Lake Winnipesaukee when
a man driving a speedboat was shocked to discover another man being dragged
behind at an alarming rate of speed. "I saw him back there and tried as hard
as I could to dislodge him from the tow-rope [that he got snagged on] by making
lots of fast, sharp turns everywhere," said the driver, Blaise Beakes of nearby
Rochester whose identitiy is being kept confidential until a full investigation
is launched. Eye-witnesses reported that the dragging ordeal lasted for what
seemed like forever. "He was really hanging on well back there," said lake
resident Barbara MacGregor - further postulating: "He must be pretty good at
waterskiing". Sadly, he was not. "The only thing running through my head was
the theme music from Indiana Jones," said the near-victim. The victim
also complained that the water was cold, but no sympathy was forthcoming.
- posted 9/17/00
Purple-haired vixen "freaks out squares" at Department of Commerce
Washington, DC - Rumors were running wild inside the Beltway this
summer that someone in the employ of the federal government had....
(gasp!) purple hair! Everyone, from lowly cubicle dwellers, on up
to CIA goons and Clin-ton himself was speculating upon who it could be....
Gwen Stefani? Ani DiFranco? Phyllis Diller??? As Commerce employees
discovered that it was Jen who possessed the purple tresses, they stopped
by to gawk, stare, and otherwise disrupt work and burn through our tax dollars.
Jen is happy for the attention, The federal government, however, may never
be the same...- posted 9/22/00
Sallie and E. Bruce MacDougall celebrate 40th
Amherst, MA - Parents of our favorite twins marked their 40th Wedding
Anniversary in Amherst earlier this month. Offspring and family friends made it a happy surprise
for Sallie and "E.B." as they dropped in from all sides in a dramatic pre-dawn
raid on the MacDougall compound in the remote hills surrounding the Amherst-Shutesbury
border. No charges of excessive force have been filed as of press time.
- posted 9/9/00
Beakes launches new career at New Horizons
Rochester, NH - New Hampshirian Laurie Beakes has taken on a new career
direction in a management role at New Horizons's Computer Learning Centers
in Portsmouth, NH. The transition has been smooth for Laurie, even in the
face of week-long corporate training on the West Coast - far away from husband
Blaise and her three little ones, Brutus, Celia, and Chewie. Congratulations to
Laurie! - posted 8/20/00
Hero Heightens Hilarity in Hadley
Hadley Mass, Sept. 2, new millenium:-
Norwottuck Rail-Trail pleasure seekers rubbernecked at the heroism of one
Nickolas Crickochea, observed providing unstinting support for overweight and
aging first-day in-line skaters, Eric & Phyllis, famed parents of
Gabey-Wabey deliverer of Babies. Its possible that Nickolas was so traumatized
by the experience that he still doesn't know where his skates are, and that
the only way he'll be able to get them back is with a repeat performance.
- posted 9/9/00
previously on Fort Awesome...
Toivonen to wed Pope!
Dan Pope and Pauliina Toivonen, of Brookline, MA announced that there will
be nuptials in their immediate future. The groom-to-be is a 1991 graduate
of Amherst Regional High School, where he first met the bride-to-be. Stay
tuned for more details as the story develops! - posted 9/1/00
Local Lax-Men struggle against, grudgingly accept, defeat
Franklin, MA - In what has typically come to be regarded as an
ego-crushing death march, Gabe Martz (A-Oberlin, '95), Cris Necochea
(A-Bucknell '95) and James Schummers (M-Oberlin, '95) embarked once again
into local field lacrosse action in the fledgling Yankee League at Dean
College. Team ReLax started off the season with a tough loss in the season
opener, but against all odds, came back with 4 straight wins to put themselves
in playoff contention by season's end - only to fall apart in the home stretch.
"Wow. It was a helluva toboggan ride while it lasted," said Necochea. Added Martz:
"Hey, we had a pretty fun summer overall. All we need to do
is fill-in the smoking crater we had at goaltender this year and we could
be contenders." "We'll get 'em next year," declared Schummers as he vowed unholy
revenge against "all who oppose us". Martz led all scorers with a whole
crapload of goals. - posted 8/30/00
 
Charlotte-area couple in Da' Haüs!
Townley Road - Andrew MacDougall and Nicole Dupuis have proceeded
with plans to build their new home in the swanky community of The Greens
at Birkdale. When questioned as to whether the building plans included both
the firepole and urinal "like we had planned back in Junior High Mechanical
Drawing class", MacDougall laughed nervously and quickly changed
the subject. Ms. Dupuis could not be reached for comment. This is a first
house for both. - posted 9/4/00
Med student delivers lots and lots and lots of babies
Pittsfield, MA - Third Year Medical Student, Gabe Martz, on loan
to the Berkshire Medical Center from the UMass Medical School has seen
his fair share of babies this summer during his OB-GYN rotations. "Kinda
makes you think," mused Martz over his newfound perspective for entry into
this crazy, crazy world. "I mean, you never really think to yourself, '7
lbs, 4oz... now THAT's heavy!'... don't get me wrong -- it certainly isn't
the lightest thing in the world either, but sheesh..." Martz was
later overheard apologizing to his Mother, Phyllis of South Amherst on
his own behalf for weighing in at an astonishing 9 pounds 4 ounces
back in November of 1973. - posted 9/1/00
Sanity, Good Taste, called into question of local corporate stooge
Waltham, MA - Internet lackey, Cris Necochea of Brookline has
thrown down the gauntlet in an apparently deranged quest for the most
flagrant abuse of local community standards for decency and good taste
seen this calendar year. "What was I thinking...?" Necochea
wondered aloud. Friends and co-workers alike echoed this sentiment
with opinions sharply divided between two camps: "foofy" vs.
"wicked-cool-looking". An investigation into possible violations of
public decency statutes is ongoing. - posted 9/4/00
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